Here’s our fitness program for parents:
- Wake up. This is pretty essential, and definitely the hardest part of the routine. Stretch over and grab the blanket your husband/wife hogged most of the night and pull hard so you can roll yourself into a burrito for the last two minutes of your quiet morning. This is what we call our warm up.
- Get up abruptly because you fell asleep for those two minutes of warm ups and the baby monitor started to scream at you to start the day.
- If you’re a short mama like me, you’ll have to get on your tippy-toes and bend down awkwardly to grab the baby that’s in the crib. This yoga pose is called “Lower back pain.” Continue to bounce the baby and make sure you bend those knees!
- Wake up your children. Multiple times, because they don’t want to wake up for school. This way you have to brisk down the hallway, get your calves and thighs awake for your next workout.
- Hold the cranky baby while you one-handedly pour the cereal and milk into the bowl. Switch baby to the other side for each bowl you pour. This is amazing to build your upper body strength, and your hand eye coordination!
- Put baby down and make baby’s breakfast. Wait, where did the baby go? She can crawl now!? Search frantically for the baby, who appears to be stuck in a corner and crying. Pick the baby up.
- Jog to the bathroom, because you totally forgot you had to pee before this workout. Toddler starts to knock on the door asking for her red crayon, Olympic-style rush to put your pants on.
- Run throughout the house looking for your partner’s keys. Cardio, Cardio, Cardio! Make sure you bend at your knees and not your back as you look under literally every single piece of furniture in the house. Run to the key rings and discover they’re behind another set of keys. Throw said keys violently at your partner (kidding, kinda).
- Run around again because your son forgot his blue folder he needed for class all the way upstairs and he doesn’t want to get it. Come back down, and he realizes he also needs the red folder. Run back up, run back down.
- Take deep breaths as you untie the insanely huge knot from your kid’s shoes. How did that even happen? Take multiple deep breaths, this is going to take a minute. Add to your mental list velcro shoes. Bend down and catch those ninja-fast kicking feet in the air to put their shoes on.
- Get the babies coat on and… baby pooped. Run fast all the way up stairs where the wipes are and change baby. Keep that rolling baby in place, use your forearm to gently keep baby still as you once again, one handedly change her diaper. This is definitely strengthening your endurance.
- Get back downstairs to discover your toddler has her shoes off. Take another deep breath. Chase toddler around the room. Sprints!
- Done! You’re out the door! We’re finished, you can breathe easy now, and ohhhhhhhhh your son forgot his lunch on the table. Make your son run in because you just worked your butt off, and you ain’t got no time for that.
I don’t know about you, but I get my daily 10,000 steps in everyday just by chasing my kids around. That’s a workout! Don’t feel guilty if you can’t make it to the gym, because you’re toning as you go, parents.